On The Cover: World's Strictest Parent Lisa Vinton
Photos: Gabbeli Photography
Hair/Makeup: Nikki Robinson
Lisa, tell me a bit about your background.
I had my two children when I was young, and I went back to school as a single parent. I double-majored in business management and administration, and I did a 4 year-degree in just 26 months.
That’s incredible.
I didn’t have the time to go to school longer than that. I was working full time and raising my kids by myself. It taught me a lot about being very organized and self-managed. In my house, we had to be very regimented. I had to keep my kids in line; in retrospect, I was a bit of a helicopter parent. I just simply didn’t have time for messing around. It was hard; I wish I could say I did it all on my own, but my dad helped me a lot.
Let’s talk about your decision to become a surrogate mom…twice.
I wanted to be pregnant again, but I wasn’t married and I didn’t want to have any more kids. I wanted to give back, and I knew this was something that I could do. Some people give time, some people give money….some people even give kidneys. I give babies! [laughs] I was a surrogate twice; the first time, I delivered a set of twins. I carried them to 38 weeks, and each baby weighed 7 lbs.
What was the experience like? Was it hard not to become attached?
If you go into it with the right mindset, then it’s okay. I knew these weren’t my children. They didn’t look like me. Both of my kids had dark hair at birth, and these babies were tow heads! Plus, I had a great relationship with the parents. In a way, that relationship was more important than the babies. So I had the twins, and then in 2002 I had a second surrogacy. All in all, it was a wonderful experience. It was as wonderful for me as it was for the couple who couldn’t have children on their own.
Since that time you got remarried and created a blended family.
My husband has three children, and initially, it worked very well. Our kids were the same ages and everyone got along well. Everyone would call us the V-Squad, since my last name was Van Essen and my husband’s last name was Vinton. It was like the Brady Bunch.
All you were missing was Alice.
I could have used her! We went through so many challenges on both sides. There were constant issues, like visitation, custody, child support. The most important thing was that the kids were happy and adjusted.
How did you get on World’s Strictest Parents?
I had done TV news anchoring, and I really enjoyed that. Then, I started my own radio show, called Only 2 Degrees, which I’m very passionate about. It’s a radio show that focuses on business. I wanted to do something fun where people could share their stories.
After awhile, a talent agent called me about the World’s Strictest Parents, which had first originated in the UK. The casting producer came out and spoke to my husband and I, and it happened very quickly. We wound up being on the premiere show.
Two kids, Brittani and Ivan, came to live in our home for 6 days. It was a very organic experience. You hear all these stories about reality TV not being real, but I didn’t do anything that I wouldn’t have normally done. The interesting thing is that you take 16 years of parental training and you put it into 6 days. It’s an interesting process. You hope that you plant a seed for what’s right and wrong in life.
What did you personally learn from the experience?
Great question. Parenting starts early on. You make mistakes, but you make the adjustment, and don’t keep doing the same thing. The problem is that even after the kids went home, they went back to the same environment. A lot of those habits came from the home. The changes can be done, though. You can’t expect other people to fix your kids.
You have to fix yourself first.
Exactly. Mostly everything kids learn comes from the home. If you have a very dysfunctional home life, and you expect your kid to be well-adjusted, it’s not going to happen.
And interestingly enough, after the show aired, I started getting inundated with Facebook requests and emails. Kids wanted to come live with me; they wanted me to be their parent. Parents would call me asking for advice. It was a privilege to be in that position.
What are some of the strict things you’ve done as a parent?
I always say we raised our kids to go into the world without us. You have to treat your kids like employees. Of course you love them, and you’re not going to fire them. And it might sound harsh, but here’s why it’s important: Everything you teach your kids, they are going to take out to the world. Let’s say that your child misses curfew and then doesn’t do his homework. When he goes into the workforce and shows up late and expects a promotion when he hasn’t done anything, he is not prepared for real life. In our house, the consequence fit the crime. If my daughter slammed her door, then she lost the door.
I love it! That’s old school parenting. Now let’s talk about your other businesses.
I created Southwest Pregnancy Counseling Center in California. I’m really passionate about it, since I was a single mom when I was 21. The resources weren’t there to help me when I was pregnant. People often want to impose their religious or political views, but we don’t do that at the counseling center. We show teens and their parents what their choices are; how they can do it financially, etc. The idea is that parents and kids can come in and look at their situation to see what resources they have and what they will need. Our goal is to give these girls options.
Are you doing for them what you wish could have been done for you?
Absolutely! I treat them the way I wanted to be treated. I wish someone would have sat down with me and showed me my situation.
In addition to your businesses, you are also the author of How To Get Poor Quick: Ten Myths That Will Cause Your Business To Fail.
I wrote ten chapters, but I could have written 100. The book cuts right to the chase. You don’t write a book to get rich; you write a book to get your message out to help other people. That’s what I’m trying to do.
Between the radio show, and your businesses, how do you find your balance?
I’m a multi-tasker, but my kids will argue with me that I can’t type and listen at the same time! I get up early in the morning, and take a walk to clear my mind. It really helps me to structure my day. I also use an old-fashioned Day Timer to write things down.
Me too. I love paper and pen.
Yes, I like to write it all down. I schedule everything in, and I’ve learned not to let people cross my boundary. I’m 45, and I’ve only recently learned to say “Stop. It’s 5:30. It’s wine time.” [laughs] I've also begun cooking more. I do a lot of crock pot meals, and I find my kids come home more for dinner.
That’s very sweet.
I did it more when I realized that I wasn’t spending as much time with the kids. Now the kids will call me and say, “What’s for dinner?” If that’s what it takes to get them home, I’ll do it. And it’s funny; when the kids come home, all they want to do is talk to us. Thank God for DVR! They’re 20 and 22, and all they want to do is talk to us. It’s great.
For more info, please go to www.lisavinton.com.
The children of the world could use a trillion more parents like you. Kudos for raising your children to be responsible adults rather than the millions of coddled young people that think the world owes them!
Posted by: CJ Tomaino | October 03, 2010 at 04:57 PM
Lisa and her husband Scott are 2 amazing people! I am proud to call them friends!
Posted by: Joe Baloun | June 07, 2010 at 01:31 AM